Minneapolis — UNN
A local man identified only as Leonard B. has sparked confusion, admiration, and a mild kitchen panic after bringing a 30cm stainless steel ruler to a local diner and meticulously measuring his pancakes.
'The menu said “three identical fluffy pancakes,”' he explained to reporters. 'They were neither identical nor uniformly fluffy. I have evidence.'
Leonard, a self-described 'portion realist', took photos from multiple angles, annotated them in Adobe Illustrator, and presented them to the cashier in a plastic binder labeled 'Stack Integrity: Vol. 1'.
Restaurant staff initially believed he was doing a food blog review. They later realized he was building a case for a complaint to the National Bureau of Breakfast Standards — which does not exist.
'This is not about food,' Leonard insisted. 'This is about trust. Symmetry. Truth.'
Witnesses say he spent 11 minutes adjusting the salt and pepper shakers so they were equidistant from the napkin holder. He then rotated his plate precisely 13 degrees because 'the shadow cast by the syrup bottle was disrupting pancake alignment.'
When told the food was made with love, Leonard responded, 'Love is not quantifiable. Surface area is.'
The manager offered him a refund. Leonard declined, saying that would only 'further compromise the data set.' He left a review online that began with: 'Objectively chaotic geometry. Flavour acceptable. Syrup viscosity inconsistent.'
Back home, he reportedly logged the event into a spreadsheet titled 'Pancake Incidents 2021–Present' and rated the experience '3.7 out of 5: emotionally destabilizing but informative.'
When asked if he would return, Leonard said, 'Only if they implement standardized plating protocols. Or let me bring my own grid mat.'
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