Tampa, FL — UNN

In what legal experts are calling 'a divine overreach,' 38-year-old Nathan Dorsey has filed a lawsuit against God, claiming emotional distress and lifelong humiliation due to what he describes as 'gross anatomical negligence.'

'I was told I was made in His image,' Dorsey told reporters. 'If that’s true, then either God has a cruel sense of humor, or He outsourced production that day.'

The handwritten lawsuit, filed in a Florida civil court, accuses the Creator of 'malicious design choices' and demands either divine compensation or a miraculous upgrade.

Court clerks initially believed the filing was a prank until they saw the 27-page attachment titled *Exhibit A: Why Size Matters in a Judgmental Society.*

Dorsey argues that his life has been shaped by 'below average dimensions,' citing failed relationships, gym locker anxiety, and an inability to wear gray sweatpants without existential dread.

While legal scholars say suing a deity is impossible, Dorsey’s attorney insists otherwise. 'If corporations can be people, why can’t God be served?'

The Church has yet to respond officially, though one local priest reportedly muttered, 'We all carry a cross. His is just smaller.'

Social media reaction is split. Some support Dorsey’s bold stand against cosmic injustice. Others say he should've sued capitalism, not heaven.

When asked what he would do if God actually appeared in court, Dorsey said, 'I’d ask one question: Why me? And also, why this?'

At press time, lightning struck a tree across the street from Dorsey's apartment. He tweeted: 'Nice try, coward.'