Washington D.C. — UNN

In a shocking yet widely celebrated announcement, the U.S. government has officially passed legislation to eliminate Mondays from the national calendar and replace them with 'National Lazy Day.'

President Joe Napson signed the bill while wrapped in a blanket, sipping chamomile tea. 'Mondays have been hurting American morale for decades. It’s time we say no to productivity... just for one day,' he said in a press conference held entirely from bed.

The new law mandates that no work, meetings, or responsibilities are to be scheduled on Mondays. Instead, citizens are encouraged to sleep in, binge-watch outdated sitcoms, and contemplate existence from their couches.

The decision received immediate approval from the public. Social media exploded with hashtags like #SleepJustice and #MakeSnackingFederal.

However, not everyone was thrilled. Corporate CEOs released a joint statement claiming the new holiday could cost billions in lost productivity. UNN reached out to workers for comment, but most were too busy napping to respond.

In anticipation of the first Lazy Day, retail stores have begun selling officially licensed pajama suits and ergonomic potato chip holders.

The Department of Energy has issued a warning: national power usage is expected to spike due to an increase in blanket warmers, microwave burritos, and 18-hour Netflix marathons.

Schools will also remain closed, though some parents worry this may cause children to confuse 'education' with 'vacation.' When asked, one 8-year-old responded, 'I thought school was just a long nap with pencils.'

Critics have labeled the law 'un-American,' but polls show over 92% approval — even among people who didn't know what day it was.

In his closing remarks, President Napson said, 'This isn’t just a holiday. It’s a movement. A horizontal revolution.'

The first National Lazy Day will begin next Monday — unless, of course, people are too tired to notice.